Depressive episode#1

“Have you ever put your heart through a potato cutter?”
Why does every photo hit you like a wave?
And you only cry because you don’t believe in fate?

People with depression are addicted to self-inflicted pain.

Superstition

Yep so my dad is a fortune teller.
He does it for a living.
And proud of doing it.

Naturally I ask him all the time on that.
Like “Dad, what career shall I go for?”
Or “Does fate control everything?”

And every time I ask,
he just gets angry and leaves the table,
or hangs up the phone.
The nicest and the only answer I got from him so far is “Don’t ask.”

It gets worse when I ask why not.

So until this day I still don’t know.
I don’t even know if his constant disapproval of my curiosity on his career means something or not. 
Like the less I know the more I control my own destiny.
Or I’m supposed to believe in myself, go out and do stuff.

I’m taking the hint that I’m supposed to figure that out myself though.

It just isn’t a good feeling to know that your dad is keeping something from you.
Something potentially change your life.
Something possibly saves you a lot of trouble.
Something important to him.

It gets into the way of father-daughter communication. 

Yet, I still have an itch to ask him every now and then to see if his attitude changes.

Documenting self

I still keep a scrapbook, and a journal.

Only on top of that I keep a diary.

Word of Gold#7

Arguments are about what one didn’t do, in disguise of what one did alternatively. It’s both sides of the same coin.

Note to self#7

“We should not pretend to understand the world only by the intellect; we apprehend it just as much by feeling. Therefore, the judgment of the intellect is, at best, only the half of truth, and must, if it be honest, also come to an understanding of its inadequacy.”

- Carl Jung

Word of Gold#6

When who you are equals what you do, it’s a sign for workaholism.

Word of Gold#5

If you didn’t see it coming, you didn’t pick up the clues along the way. Keep looking.

Note to self#4

Search for the grain of truth in other opinions.

Note to self#3

Don’t be the alternative that they don’t miss.

Note to self#2

Get comfortable with not knowing.